Monday, November 17, 2014

Lost and found

"Loss" is such a simple word that can apply to so many things - small and large.  You lose your car keys.  Your child loses his teddy bear (and occasionally his mind).  You lose your baby weight (or you don't).  You lose a child.

We lost our little one this weekend.  I'd rather say that than "miscarried".  "Miscarried" sounds so medical and cold.  It wasn't medical and it wasn't cold.  It was emotional.  It was not just the physical action.  It was the feeling of emptiness, of the little heartbeat on the ultrasound disappearing forever.  That is true loss - not the missing-keys kind but the hollow-in-your-heart kind.

We will have another child.  Just not this one, at this time.  And we will be okay.

But part of getting to "okay" is acknowledging the loss.  So today, I will hold my son a little closer and we might play in the snow or paint a picture or bake cookies.  And I will honour the sibling that he doesn't get to have right now by holding him or her in my heart - that way, he or she is not really "lost" at all.

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