Friday, November 28, 2014

Struggling today

I've been a little quieter this week.  I've smiled a little less, slept a little more.  I've let the laundry pile up, the groceries go unpurchased, the boxes I've received go unblogged about (for now - I'll get to them).  I have been struggling.

Two weeks ago, I was pregnant.  I was trying to figure out how we were going to afford me going off on mat leave again.  I was planning another nursery.  I was worried that D would never potty train and I'd have two in diapers.  I was terrified by unexplained spotting but hopeful that it could be normal.  I was relieved that there was a heartbeat on the ultrasound.

And then I wasn't.  Any of those things.  Not any more.

And I'm doing okay.  Step by step.  Day by day.  And my son and my husband are being awesome and sweet and supportive.  D is actually using the potty a few times a day and waking up dry from naps.  G is cooking dinners voluntarily.  And I'm getting by.

It's enough for now.  I need more time.  I need my body to get back to normal.  So I can go on - not move on, not forget, not get on with it - just, go on.  Today I am struggling.  Tomorrow I will, hopefully, struggle less.  At least it's the weekend :)

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