It's been a while since I've posted anything parenting-related. Here's part of the reason why.
Last pregnancy was a dream. No morning sickness, no real complaints or challenges. I was tired - like really tired - and that was about it. And I hated it.
Ok, hate is maybe a strong word but I am not one of those women who enjoys being pregnant. As someone who struggled/s with my weight most of my life, I do not enjoy seeing things change in the way they do when you're pregnant. I did not like feeling tired and like I couldn't do the things I wanted - like eating sushi and having a glass of wine on my 30th birthday (although the new recommendations from Health Canada now permit the former, but not the latter, obviously).
This time around, I was getting a handle on the whole being pregnant thing. I am still not over the moon about waking up to pee 782 times a night or falling asleep on the couch at 4pm or being so hungry I burst into tears because I can't decide what to eat. But I can also look at my older son and know why I'm doing this, what it's all about and how short term it really is in the grand scheme of things.
It also helps that this is kind of a miracle pregnancy. We thought we had lost this little one in November. . . until we discovered in January that we hadn't. Miracle, right? Like this baby is supposed to be born. And he is a tough little guy.
And then, more bleeding. At first, just some spotting. "Sometimes that happens after sex," my midwife assured me. Another week goes by and there is a full on bleeding episode. TMI, I know but it was a bit of a horror show. With a clot. And I panicked. My midwife met us at the hospital and checked me out only to verify that it's not normal bleeding (no kidding). I have complete placenta previa.
For those who have no reason to know what this is, the placenta is completely covering my cervix. Often this is only partial (as in "partial placenta previa") and it is very rarely the case by the end of a pregnancy. Usually, as the baby grows, it will move. But that is very unlikely in my case because of the way the placenta is shaped and located. That drug-free, vaginal birth I had last time? Not this time. Unless there is a surprising change, this will be a scheduled c-section. Terrifyingly, it could also be an early emergency c-section if there is more bleeding that doesn't want to stop. I'm already on modified work at 5 months and will likely be completely off work and on some form of bed rest within the next month.
Now to wrap my head around that new reality and make my peace with it. On the bright side, being pregnant and the issues I had with it last time? A piece of cake. Those who say "every pregnancy is different" - still irritating, but not completely talking out of their asses either.